"You really don't know what you have until it's gone."

As I am sitting here reminiscing about all the times we been through, tears falls down my face like a raindrops on a car's windshield. I never thought this day would be here. I still remember the day we spent the whole night on the sidewalk, one of the happiest moment of my life. Sorrow is strong inside me I have no other way to release it but to put it into words. Now I really know, no matter what materialistic things I have, no matter how much money I make, when I leave this world I can't bring any of things with me. I learned that the one thing I could bring is the joy and love me and you shared.

You showed me more than anyone in this world. How could I treat you this way? Why am I so weak? Why can't I keep you? My whole life, I can never get anything I wanted. Even when I have you, I can't keep you. I remember when I said we will marry, we will spend the rest of our lives together. We even mention about how many kids we will have. All those are just memories....

Am I selfish for being afraid to break up with you because I fear that I will never find a girl like you again?

Annie, I really loved you. You were my angel and "princess". Now you say go away and fuck off. What have I done? You were not like that....

I constantly have thoughts about us. About when we were together. All those times. Even times when we were just walking in Sunset alone. Just the two of us and the beach. I will bring those memories to my grave. Tear drops just cant stop dropping as I am typing you this. I just want you to know it hasn't been easy since we haven't talk. Now that you are not here by my side, all I do is turn to alchohol and drugs. As I ask myself how can I let a girl like you slip away. I just cannot face reality anymore thats why i turn to alcohol.

I really hope you read this because I want you to know what I am going through. "You really don't know what you have until it's gone." That phrase is so true.

I will have to face the world alone again. Sometimes I pray to myself that this is a dream. I wish you were by my side after I open my eyes.

People have no idea what I go through. What they see on the outside is absolutely incorrect. I think of you constantly. At work, when im driving, school, home.

Annie Kuang, you will forever be in my heart. When you ever need me I will be there. No matter what I will always be there for you.

"You don't really have to do anything"

Old But True

Already 2 months into the new year. Started college and overall I like it alot more than high school.

I know that Life is good and bad. I know it can never be perfect and that it never have been, and I am  fine with that. I still feel it's important to live life since it can end any day and not sulk because of some little failure in life. I am a pretty happy person, still I don't laugh all the time.

Lately I been having really bad luck, but life goes on.

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There is just 3 things I am really living for in life..
And you are one of them.

Can't live without you girl.

and Happy 1 year 2 months and 1 day.

Good Bye 2005 ~: ~ Welcome 2006

So this is it, the last day of 2005, December 31st 2005. I mention before this is by far the best year of my 18 year life, and I think I am going to keep it at that. This year I learned alot and losed alot also, I crash and burn many times but I picked myself up and became stronger. I learned from my mistakes and will never make them again. I got wiser and more mature. This year truly was pretty amazing... lets make a list.

This is the year I.....

1.) Bought my first car myself and began my hobbie of modding it & got my first ticket.

2.) Work at a company longterms

3.) Found a very special girlfriend

4.) Graduated High School

Maybe that was not alot to some other people, but to me it's alot. Thsi year I found a very special girlfriend that loves me for who I am, keeps up with me and my life. Before I know it, my 19th birthday is knocking on the door. I will be another year older. College and Career is in sight. I don't want to dissapoint my dad in this life because I simply can't, he went through so much for me. I will succeed, if not for myself then for my dad and girlfriend.

One thing I also learn is to stay away from negative friends, eventhough it seems hard. Thats all I can think of right now. Next year's task is to enter college and do good in it, treat girlfriend better, and make more money so I can buy myself a new car.

And last but not least I want to thank everyone that supported me in 2005. 

                                                                                                                    - Jackson